I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
