dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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