I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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