I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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