they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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