I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
