I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
