IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
