I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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