He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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