Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
