I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
