Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just want nice things and good sex
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
