Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she smelled like a LAN party
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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