dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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