well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
