I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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