You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
