Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
