sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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