my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
