You're so nebulous sometimes
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
