her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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