your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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