I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
