1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
