i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just found a bag of teeth...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
