I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
