even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
