Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
