dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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