I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
