operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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