i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
