Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
