there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
