well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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