My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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