My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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