Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
