well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
