I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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