my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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