In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
