First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
