Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
