Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Rumble strips road head = magical
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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