Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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