I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
