FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
